Was it career suicide to be black listed from prime time TV or was it a test to pass through an initiation?
In the Blogs Social Mask, The Control Freak and The Real You, it explains the self-survival mechanism of “avoidance”. This blog demonstrates what can happen when we apply the opposite polarity of avoidance and create “Rebel Chaos” on purpose for positive change. Let me share with you a personal story of one of the many opportunities my very determined inner Rebel presented to me that I embraced wholeheartedly.
When I was approached to do The Biggest Loser, I knew that it was my one chance to throw a grenade into the tightly constructed ideal of the fitness trainer in general, let alone a female one. There was my chance to create some chaos within the order. To this day, the construction of the “ideal” female fitness trainer is locked and loaded for any casting agent. Whether you agree or not, the stereotype requires a few boxes to be checked before putting a face on prime time TV, especially on an internationally franchised show. The candidate must be perfectly toned, petite (you can’t be too big for the TV cameras, remember) and tanned, with white teeth. They must also have a nice balance of femininity, but still have a tough edge (not too tough though, we don’t want to appear too butch, remember). The networks need to package the candidate perfectly before delivering it in to the mainstream media in order for ACCEPTANCE (aka. ratings) to occur. The perfectly packaged candidate makes it easy for the PR machine to manage and cross market for more exposure through endorsements.
Enter Emazon!
It wasn’t until I got the job, signed the contract and was given the filming dates, that I dyed my hair flaming red, cropped it into a Mohawk and pitched the idea of my gym being a cage. I CAREFULLY played all my “Rebel cards” to convince the networks that the show needed some chaos to upset the apple cart. I showed them the value in having one trainer who was not a part of the weight loss competition, merely there to work with the psychology of their fight. To their credit they took it on board while having NO IDEA of what I was going to do, how I was going to do it or how the public was going to react to their mainstream ideal being rocked. So in 2009, during a prime time slot and on a major free to air network, the visual and conceptual chaos was delivered right into the living rooms of The Biggest Loser fans all over the country. On the night of my first episode, Emazon.TV was hit over 1,000 times per minute. By 10:30pm that night, the website had crashed as server capacity couldn’t handle the traffic. The social media/forums quickly filled with judgement, speculation and opinions. The speculation wasn’t regarding WHAT I did in that first episode, but rather the visual chaos of a red haired female with a full back tattoo, fighting contestants in a cage. Praise was met with vile hate, taking internet trolling to a whole new level. But it did something much more important, it created a small rattle in people’s perceptions and ideals – it created a little chaos. By that stage, neither the producers nor I bothered trying to win the popularity contest because ‘Emazon’ was so far removed from a secured perception. As far as I was concerned, once the first episode had aired, a major part of my work was done. What I did and said beyond that point was irrelevant really, and the producers knew it. So each time I featured on an episode from then on, they just let the cameras point and shoot. Never once was I scripted or directed by the crew for a particular outcome or direction THEY wanted to achieve. I was amazed it even got on prime time TV to be honest. To this day I am surprised the production company and networks took the risk with a multi-million dollar franchise.
When it came time for the PR machine to pin me as a poster girl for an ideal, both the producers and media were lost. People didn’t know whether to highlight my role within the show, my methods, my statement, my background or my sexuality, and trust me, at first, the majority of Australian viewers misunderstood all five. Eventually one of the Executive Producers said “Just leave it. She is an enigma. Let Australia decide who and what she is to them. We don’t have a box to put her in”. The week after the finale I hit the road on tour and I haven’t really stopped since.
The opportunity to continue on the show, in the role of the “enigma” was taken away when they asked me to go against my Red Print. I was offered a secure part in the following seasons as a feature trainer, with more air time, greater PR and a national profile. It was the opportunity of a life time, to have my work featured behind the biggest media machines in Australia. But it would come at a small cost. A cost that is disregarded in the machine of mainstream media; my authenticity.
My role would go from being a enigma who was called on when needed, to being another team-leader in a weight loss competition. I would have had my own team and they would have had to get on the scales every week to try and win the weight loss contest. Everything I didn’t want to be. To be the relentless driver to force these people into the game of numbers where their weight is literally their worth. My response during that meeting resulted in them pulling the contract regarding my future appearance and instead they went with one of countless other trainers who would kill for that sort of opportunity; to become an instant fitness celebrity.
From that point on, I knew it was my job to continue on with, and build upon the one thing that I knew how to do really well; creating a little chaos in ideals, our conditioning and our perceptions. I knew not to simply employ my Rebel for the purpose of change, but to live by it as a part of my authentic self. I am driven daily by the damage that I have seen these “ideals” do to women and teens of Western society. I fear for the future of women, mothers, daughters, sisters and comrades if the Rebel in all of us fails to rise and unite in a common cause.
However, in saying that, to embrace the Rebel as a living breathing part of you, it means you will have to tap out of most popularity contests. My stand to remain authentic to my own Red Print has created some enemies who speculate my actions as righteous – not virtuous. My virtues, methods and practices have all been judged because they rattled cages; because some of my decisions and actions were not what other people expected. I tempted people to consider another language, I presented a view point some reject because it wasn’t a “normal” messages of the fitness and weight loss industry. I wore clothes to present at national fitness conventions that didn’t say “fitness trainer” and I challenged those in a position of perceived authority to test if they had actually earnt the right to be there. Confrontation soon became a mandatory part of the job and I became very comfortable with a little anarchy. To this day there are many who did not like the chaos I created to the order.
The reason I present this story is not make a claim for myself but to shed light on why my work with Emazon emphasises the necessity for Rebel Chaos. It is healthy to break the mould, rock boats and alter expectations. You must take the risk of losing the approval of others in the quest to claim your OWN approval of yourself.
This magnificent extract from the book ‘The Invitation’ by Oriah represents these ideas perfectly:
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
None of the “self-transformation” programs that I have come across (programs that are readily available) put emphasis on the vital skill of standing your ground in within the chaos and disorder that is necessary for change.
In the FEATURED REBELS, I explore a few other female figures who are prevalent in our time as having embraced their Rebel and have ridden the waves of boat rocking to their advantage.
