The topic for this week’s vlog “How to have courageous conversations in cyberspace” was timed well coming off the back end of an amazing month as the Australian Ambassador for Red My Lips to support Sexual Assault Awareness month. Clearly with a topic as sensitive and deeply intricate as sexual violence and victim blaming I was prepared for some robust conversations on social media and in cyber space.
The internet is still a foreign space when it comes to interacting with each other. Even though we consider the internet as an integrated tool in our lives, our communication receptors haven’t really developed the navigation on how to exchange with people we are not physically in front of let alone ever met or will meet. Therefore it leaves us with a big open gap in the senses where we would normally rely on energy, body language, tone and the mutual respect most of us are coded with. As we launch our views, opinions and sometimes our sensitive laundry into cyber space we run the risk of entering a battle ground very few are naturally equipped to handle.
How to have courageous conversations in cyberspace is a massive topic. I have avoided entering the bloody and harrowing epidemic of cyber bullying in this vlog as that enters an intricate realm of psychological warfare. So I have narrowed it down to the times we simply want to make our point or express our opinion on forums, social media and interactive platforms.
The first and most valuable point I want to make is DON’T TRY TO WIN WARS OVER THE INTERNET. Don’t attempt to single handily alter the path of societies adversities with a single keyboard. So many of us engage in conversations on the internet with the (wonderful) intent we will change the world with it.
But Emma, can’t my digital voice make a difference?
Absolutely it can. Don’t get me wrong, the internet is armoured with courageous campaigns and activist groups who stand for righteous change. And yes, UNITED they stand with impact. Gather your allies and surround yourself with people, networks, campaigns and groups who reflect your beliefs. Engage in your healthy conversations there, sign petitions, like their pages, donate to the causes, share and re-tweet to spread the love. However when it comes to stepping outside that protected space of your allies, remember there is ONLY one thing we can aim to do and that is EXPRESS YOUR OPINION. I will say it again…. You can only ever expect to express your opinion.
Anything other than that you enter the ‘no-holds barred’ arena where even the common courteousy of human respect is defied. With a keyboard and screen between you and your cyber-enemy all rules are destroyed, any weapons can be used and no medi-vac is available. If that is what you are up for, then get your head gear on and run straight. This is no secret. We all know people say things they would never dream of expressing to another human face to face. So we can get just over the “shock” of it all and re-assess our expectations. NOTE: It doesn’t make it right by any means.
So I will say it again… you can only ever expect to express your opinion.
In saying this, it doesn’t mean anyone has to AGREE with your opinion. The people you interact with have the right to express theirs based on their experience, beliefs and moral scope. By no means do they have to agree with you and visa-versa. This is healthy and wonderful way to learn how to flex the muscles of freewill and freedom of speech.
Now, you are all intelligent so I am just saying this for the record; this clearly relates to the subjective topics that are exclusive to the laws of the land. Unless you are a part of an activist campaign who want to alter the legislations or laws in particular, trying to defend an argument the laws of the land has deemed illegal…. Save your energy to pour a glass of red wine (*or your preference) that will have far more benefits for your health and well-being. If you DO want to advocate for a change of policy or laws then source the groups with proactive powers who have positioned themselves to be heard beyond a lone facebook post.
In the above vlog I offer some simple dialogue to help express your opinion online and what indicators to look for to detect if a conversation has stepped over the lines of common courteousy. By no means do we have to agree with each other, however in order for a digital conversation to remain pro-active and constructive, it must remain respectful of each other’s freewill.
If and when a conversation goes beyond the boundaries of common respect for freedom of speech and our recipient needs to use insult and degradation towards you personally in order to make their point/opinion more valid; there is your flag. Even something as simple as
“You’re an idiot, what would you know”
There is a red flag. This can indicate you are not engaged in healthy conversation. The MOMENT insult or degradation enters the exchange it is my belief that is when you step away from the keyboard; end the conversation if not delete the exchange all together. If you find yourself being deleted because you resorted to personal insult while expressing your opinion then this just as valid.
You will NOT win a medal for locking heads with a troll whose only valid weapon is venom. Pft! Fck that. Walking away is not to be mistaken as backing down by any means. It means you respect your own time, beliefs and freedom of expression. I do not exchange ANY valuable time with anyone who can’t even summons the ability to validate their own statement with the intelligence of mutual respect. No-one signed the agreement for you to for-go your rights just because trolls decided to use the internet as their primitive blood sport.
If you are an administrator of a page/forum/platform and want to delete or block users, it is common to be accused of “not allowing freedom of speech”. Let it be known that supporting freedom of speech does NOT mean tolerating assholes. If people disagree with a post/statement/view by no means should this validate it being deleted or blocked. However the moment anyone loses the composure to communicate within the bounds of mutual respect; DELETE. You are the custodian of that digital piece of real estate and it’s your call on the laws of that property. Don’t hesitate to make those laws clear upfront and stand your ground with them. Groups can get out of hand and bitchy without a strong hand enforcing those laws.
*As a side note to that, don’t fear loosing the perception of mass rating because you set your privacy settings to determine who gets access to you and into your sacred circles. I notice some would rather appear to have the masses follow them or like their posts over the sanctity of a connected private audience. If you are getting a lot of shit on your pages/forums sacrifice the idea of “numbers” with public access for the privacy of groups that allow you to engage with your audience differently. Smaller private audiences can be far more rewarding, effective and profitable than larger public ones.
As I said before, this is a massive topic with many variables how it approach it. My purpose was simply to throw out a few little tools on how to navigate your way through the cyber-super-highways.
I believe it is vital you preserve your right to speak your truth.
I believe it is healthy to engage in robust conversations where people agree and disagree. The fear of not being agreed with should never block you from speaking up.
I believe the internet is a wonderful world to connect and rally with your like minds and hearts. Find your people, because they are also looking for you.
Finally; the above is simply the outcome of my personal and professional belief to which are you are free to agree or disagree with 😉
